dirty thirty.

It's funny how the sum of all of the little details of your life affect your outlook on the big traditional landmarks. Last Saturday was my 30th birthday. It passed with a surprisingly small amount of fanfare, and with none of the angst and depression expected. Not a lick. A few days beforehand, a close friend emailed to inquire about my mental state. She noted that "I always make the best of everything." This is interesting, because I've never really seen myself as an upbeat or overly positive person. In my own head I am too often a depressingly realistic, angsty, glass-half-empty sort of girl. Yet for some reason not too many people believe me. On a plane several years ago (back when I was still CERTAIN that writing would be a significant part of any future career), the nice gentleman sitting beside me pronounced, after a couple hours of chatting, that I was "not screwed up enough to be a writer."

I wonder why I was offended by that assertion, and why for some reason my friend's statement didn't land in the synaptic web of my brain as the generous compliment she had intended. Maybe some part of me fears that with contentedness and stability comes a loss of creativity, excitement, drama, etc. I like to think that I come across as a more positive person than I really am when I communicate with my friends, that it's my way of shielding myself from judgment. After all, if I'm bouncy and upbeat about my job, my future, my finances, my appearance...it doesn't really leave many windows of opportunity for criticism, to my face or otherwise. "Well, yeah, she's making a lot less money than if she'd bucked up and gone into practice, but she's so happy that it's obviously worth it."

So what does ANY of that have to do with my 30th birthday? I figured that out when I sat down to reply to my friend's email. I wrote...well, I wrote the following, which I will post in it's entirety, since said friend said afterward that I should do so:

It's weird, because I've been dreading turning 30...pretty much ever since we graduated from college, when I still believed that there was some social "rule" of sorts which dictated that by 30 I needed to own my own home, be either in my dream job or getting close to it, have a great marriage with an impossibly perfect guy, and maybe even have a kid or two. I'm pretty much over THAT, but I gotta say, if I were where I was two years ago, I'd be depressed as hell. So I guess now it feels like...well, I haven't knocked it out of the park when it comes to the things I wanted to have or have done by 30, but I've also come a hell of a long way in just two short years. I'll be turning 30 in a career field that I've discovered I LOVE, even if it is on the beginning end. I won't be living in my own home surrounded by nice things, but at least I'm living a completely self-sufficient life with a hell of a lot less (quickly dwindling) debt than most people in my position, and amazing job benefits to boot. I'm not married with kids, but after what feels like a lifetime of trying out males who were never going to truly respect me or provide what I needed, I've formed a stable, long-term and possibly lifelong relationship with someone who is real and fallible, but who makes me laugh, and thinks I'm worth fighting for, and makes me feel genuinely happy and safe. And of course, to top it all off, I have seriously amazing friendships that have been strong enough to endure distance and adulthood and time. It could be a lot worse, right?

So I performed what was essentially the keyboard equivalent of "scribbling" all of that down. And hit send. And walked away. And then I remembered that one little bit from the Royal Tenenbaums, where Royal says something uncharacteristically heartfelt and then the narrator intones: "Immediately after saying it, Royal realized that it was true."

And if it's true, then...well, crap. Maybe I AM a positive upbeat person after all.

simply stunning.

Only in Memphis....

The link to the story follows, but I think the shirt speaks for itself. Just to clarify...this shirt was (apparently it's been pulled from sale) sanctioned by the University of Memphis Athletic Department Marketing staff.

Memphis Athletics…Selling Rivalry and Sexual Innuendo One T-shirt at a Time

um. hotty toddy anyone?

a quiet evening with charlie.

Charlie is currently stretched out on the carpet and looking out the window. He has this thing he does, where he quietly whines while watching me out of the corner of his eye. He wants me to believe that there is something out there, something that requires his immediate attention. Unfortunately for Charlie, I know him. Charlie is bored. But to his credit, I think he always believes, with his entire furry being, that there is surely something just out of his field of vision to investigate or bark at. When I turn my head toward him he quickly focuses his gaze back to the window and stares intently through the glass. He thinks he's a master manipulator. I think he's adorable, if sometimes exasperating.

Sometimes I trick myself into thinking that Charlie will live just as long as I will, possibly longer. He's entirely too large to be just another dog, and not just physically. Everything about Charlie is expansive...his bark, his showy gait, his sixteen syllable yawn, and especially his sense of humor. Charlie hates closed doors, and should you accidentally leave one open that is normally latched against him, there will be consequences. He recently backed up to the hearth in the normally off-limits basement at my parents' house, and quite deliberately took a dump there, just to mess with my Dad. Right there, dead centered in front of the fireplace. He also has the weirdly human capacity to understand when he looks funny. A couple of months ago he shook his head so violently that his chain collar landed asymmetrically across his face with the ring firmly placed over one eye and then walked around with it, pretending not to notice anything was amiss as we all collapsed in laughter. This has become one of his favorite recurring gags. And I swear that sometimes, when I open the door into the tiled hallway of my apartment, that he has seen me park my car and run to the opposite end of the hall, poised to take a running start at precisely the correct moment to slide gleefully into me the very second the door has swung open and away from his trajectory.

I'd rather he be doing one of the above things (which I can say safely since I personally don't have a hearth) than slowly wearing me down until I drag myself off the couch to take him outside...again...but what the hell, I love him anyway. So...here we go. Come on Charlie, let's go outside.

get it together, ole miss.

Apparently while it used to be true that "we may not win every game, but we ain't never lost a party," the opposite is now becoming factual as our football team grows in stature. Come on, Ole Miss. Strive for perfection!

Ole Miss Slips in Party School Rankings

cakes gone horribly wrong.

Need a pick-me-up on this lovely morning? Check out some truly tragic cakes, courtesy of one of the Sugar websites, which are a favorite of mine.

i promise this isn't becoming a sports blog.

At least not entirely. But as we continue to creep excitedly toward football season at an excruciatingly slow pace, I just find myself more and more with SEC football on the brain, and with all the tradition, memories, fun, and fanfare that accompany it.

So, this is coming from an EXTREMELY biased viewpoint, but I really do find it laughable that the SEC is almost never given the credit it is due, at least from the other conferences or from the gussied up, often pompous pretty boys behind the desk at ESPN. Perhaps they should read this article pretty closely and try reeeally hard to remember it.

These Aren't Tough Times For SEC Football

i can't help but think my Papa had something to do with this.

My Papa didn't start playing golf until later in life. The story, as I remember it, is that my Dad and some friends were playing when Papa arrived. He scoffed at the sport, but they convinced him to swing a club. He declared it "easy." Papa had a gift for dry humor. He may have had a bit of a natural gift for golf too, but regardless, after that day I think he was hooked. He played constantly, right up until the golf course accident that would claim his life. I wish that we'd been able to discuss it, but I don't know that it would really be necessary for him to actually tell me that he wouldn't want to go any other way. I can't say I can really even imagine any other way.

When he wasn't on the golf course, it was common to find him in his favorite armchair watching golf tournaments on television. When our hometown boy, Stewart Cink, began to slowly rise to the top of the game, Papa fiercely cheered on the young guy that played at our country club. To me it was just cool that my elementary school librarian's son was on TV, but to Papa, I think it just made him all the more proud of the sport he loved. He never stopped cheering for Cink, through all of the near misses and frustrating last minute collapses. So today...I know that my Papa is still very much alive somewhere, and while I do not presume to be certain of what he knows and sees and is able to do from there...part of me very much wonders if he's smirking happily over a certain golf course in Scotland today.

seriously.

"When is a Starbucks not a Starbucks?"

So begins the baffling article I read a few minutes ago from the Seattle Times. The basic gist is as follows: given Starbuck's recent slump in sales, the chain is looking for any way to drum up foot traffic, and apparently they think they've found a potentially successful one. I think it's stupid.

Starbucks is currently in the process of re-branding three of it's Seattle stores to give each "a community personality." Each store, starting with the first, "15th Avenue Coffee and Tea," will have it's own independent name and "feel." They will also feature wine and beer on the menu and more local entertainment events. The problem is that each will still have a Starbucks menu. Same coffee, just with a different name on the cup.

"Those who can capture a sense of community and offer consumers a compelling experience will win in the long run, said Michelle Barry, senior vice president of the market-research firm Hartman Group in Bellevue." Um. OK. On one hand, as a girl who has spent the past several years with a family in the independent restaurant business, I completely agree. Part of what has kept Dales around for so long is the fact that it is intrinsically tied to life in Florence. It's where you go to celebrate graduations, birthdays, anniversaries. People get engaged there, and many have their rehearsal dinners or receptions there. It's just simply tradition for so many Florence families. And it's unlike anywhere else. Even when Dales had multiple locations in its earlier years, each of those restaurants retained an individual sense of identity. One felt more like a jazz cellar that just happened to serve a great steak, while Florence was more of a family place.

But here's the thing...Dales evolved that way. Those locations were allowed to develop their own identity from their inception, in spite of the common brand they shared. And they certainly didn't have a marketing firm advising them on HOW to "capture" a sense of community and artificially recreate it. In today's world, I'm not even sure that Dales would develop the way it did. So to me, what Starbucks is doing sounds preposterous, and a little insulting. Sure, the name might refer to my neighborhood. The person playing music in the corner might live a few blocks away. But the coffee in my cup will still be Starbucks, and they'll still ultimately own the establishment I'm sitting in.

Look, I like Starbucks. I've been a patron there before and I will be again. I'm quite happy, during a long road trip, to discover a drive through Starbucks on my route, because it means I know I can get some good coffee. But should a re-branded Starbucks ever pop up in either of the two towns I consider home...no thanks. I'll stick to Bottletree or Rivertown.

portobello mushroom lasagna.

I've been trying to make a habit of cooking one new thing every week. A couple of weeks ago I attempted my first batch of fried green tomatoes, which looked like they were going to be a complete and total failure until they suddenly browned and crisped just perfectly. Other recent successes are a white bean salad and mustard roasted potatoes. And Lisa...I made my own batch of Ina Garten's Broccoli with Garlic and Soy Sauce and am most definitely obsessed with it. I've reached the point where I feel pretty comfortable with side dishes, but entrees are another story. I always find myself frustrated when I'm thinking about making a meal because of my limited experience with main dishes.

And so, yesterday I started out with an entree (of sorts) that doesn't involve meat...The Barefoot Contessa's Portobello Mushroom Lasagna (I'm a little obsessed, if you couldn't tell). I was still a little apprehensive, since this was my first time making lasagna of any sort. And this involved a pretty extensive set of directions...for me, at least. Above is a not-so-professional picture of mushrooms cooking in butter and olive oil, and a sauce consisting of milk, butter, flour, salt, pepper, and nutmeg, and to the right is another amateur iphone picture...of the final product! Notice that the cook was unable to resist cutting a piece to taste before remembering to take a picture.

I was pretty darn pleased. This lasagna is RICH, and that's even after I substituted whole milk for two percent. I think that the massive amount of butter (about a stick and a half, in total) and Parmesan cheese are enough to completely override the absence of whole milk. One other note...I used baby bella mushrooms instead of full sized Portobellos. I'd like to try it with the larger ones to see if it makes for a firmer and more cohesive product, but as is, this lasagna was firm enough to hold together and still be rich, juicy, and delightfully sinful. The recipe is a little long to re-post here, but you can find it by searching for "portobello mushroom lasagna" at www.foodnetwork.com.

go figure.

It probably won't be a surprise to anyone that I've already hit a financial roadblock before my budgeting project has even begun. That's how life works, right?

A couple of days ago Charlie (my monstrous Airedale Terrier, for those who might not know) got a little bit sick. I won't go into details, as I presume that very few readers want to know the details. He's fine, nothing serious, but...when we got to the vet's office I had to face the fact that he's overdue for yearly vaccinations. And then face the fact that on top of original minor health issue, he also has an ear infection. And then face the fact that no matter how great they are, dogs are NOT cheap.

Six months to a year ago or so I would have burst into tears as soon as I was back in the car. An unexpected expense like this would have meant having to ask for help with a monthly bill. So at least it was a pleasant experience to drive Charles back home a little disheartened, but secure in the knowledge that an unexpected expense no longer leaves me sidelined at home, eating ramen noodles and wondering how I'm going to make that car payment, etc. Add to that the fact that I'm about to get half off my next rent check (for resigning my lease...I don't love where I live, but it was an offer I couldn't refuse), and I'm at least back to square one, if not still a little bit ahead.

Still, I find that the shadow cast by the budget restrictions looming ahead of me is causing some interesting side affects. Everything on the Anthropologie website suddenly looks irresistible. The thought of going home and cooking something with the groceries I've bought (already on a practice budget) just doesn't compare to the mouth-watering lure of a dinner out on the Square. I just find myself wanting to SPEND. Will this go away?

september can't get here fast enough.

I don't know whether to be exhilarated or nervous about this. I don't know if anyone read the Paul Finebaum article the other day, wherein he essentially laughed at the idea of Ole Miss doing anything other than choking this season. I won't even bother to post it, as it's pretty much an annoying attempt to rile everyone up (one comment referred to Finebaum as the Jerry Springer of sports commentary, and I tend to agree). Anyhow, in your face, Finebaum. And, um...nice shades, Houston...

my boys.

I don't find myself with too much to say today, so I thought I'd just share a picture that makes me happy. The fountain in the background is in Wilson Park in downtown Florence, Alabama (my hometown, for anyone who may not know). The two subjects are my fella and my dog. I'll let you determine which is which. Moments before this picture was taken, the fella had called and gestured for the dog to come to him for a photo-op. The dog decided to interpret this as an instruction to jump in the fountain. I think this picture captures a nice moment...a man-to-male dog exchange regarding whether or not male dog's behavior was cool, set in the middle of a lovely lazy Saturday morning walk to the coffee shop for a latte and a shared muffin.

That reminds me, though...I should totally write a little (or not so little) plug for Rivertown Coffee in Florence, on Seminary Street. Sometime soon...

while on the subject of finances...

I may have mentioned before that I have been tasked with researching financial literacy programs and resources for college students and beginning the process of developing a program and iniatives tailored to Ole Miss students and alumni. This is a daunting task. There are so many questions to answer...what should we be teaching? How can we format it so that there's at least a CHANCE it'll sink in? How should it be organized?



So, just for research purposes, I thought I'd ask anyone who has a minute to answer a couple of questions for me. Feel free to answer in the form of a comment, or if you'd rather not share with everyone, just shoot me an email.



1. What do you wish you'd been told about financial aid or finances in general when you were an entering freshman? (Examples might be "what interest on a loan is," or "how the debt I'm taking out now will affect purchases I'll want to make in the future, like a home or a car," etc.)



2. How do you think an instructor could have given you the above information so that you'd actually pay attention and digest it?

the b word...

No, not that one. I'm talking about....dum dum DUM...a budget. As in, starting in August, I am going to begin following one. I'm sure this will provide a whole new world of topics to blog about, so hopefully you'll bear with me.

At present, the only "budget" that I keep is basically as follows: I get paid twice a month. And twice a month, I pay half of my monthly rent, bills, and expenses. Then I just...live. I buy groceries. I go to lunch with friends. I gas up my car for a weekend trip to Florence. I buy the odd item of clothing. I don't spend like crazy...at the grocery store I often avoid the expensive cheeses. I go out with a friend and order a beer instead of a glass of wine or a martini. I browse a clothing website and then steer myself to navigate away from it without placing an order. More often that not I'm relatively pleased with the amount of money left at the end of the two weeks. But I don't have a PLAN.

So I was inspired today during a long drive with a friend. Char has, from a financial standpoint (among others), always impressed me. She went to college with very little outside assistance. She needed her financial aid, and very rarely did she abuse it. Given the option between a part time job or another loan, she chose the job. When it came to using a credit card, Char treated it just like a checking account, never charging more money than she would have available to pay at the end of the month. When we graduated from college, Char seemed to have her student loans paid off in no time. And for the past several months, she and her hubby have dutifully followed a very specific budget.

In Charlotte's budget, if you habitually spend money on something once a month, every three months, etc....there's an allotment for it. And that six pack of beer? That's not groceries, that's entertainment. There's no sliding things that have fuzzy lines into larger chunks of the budget.

This does not sound fun to me. In fact, this sounds like something that requires a dreadful amount of time and attention and THOUGHT. I mounted a fierce attempt to poke holes in my friend's reasoning during our trip. But it's so much harder to grocery shop for one person! And I'm in a long distance relationship, so since we only see each other on the weekends, it's important for our relationship to make those weekends special (aka, often expensive). I can't really just create ONE budget that works for me all year long, because I spend more and less depending on what I'm involved in during various parts of the year. Char calmly and patiently shot down every excuse I provided. Because, yes, that's what they are. Excuses. I CAN figure out a realistic grocery budget for one person, I just have to take the time to pay attention to what I'm buying, how long it lasts, and how much it all costs. And yes, of course my weekend time with the fella is special, but it's special because it's the time we get to have together, not because we go out to eat multiple times/stay at the bar longer than we intend to/convince each other that it's really OK to buy those sunglasses, that scarf, that CD. It's no less special when we buy a bottle of cheap wine, cook an inexpensive dinner at home, and just hang out on the porch listening to music and talking. And finally, yes, it's definitely true that I spend more at certain times of the year...like on presents for family and friends at Christmas, and less at others, like groceries during football season (hosting a house full of football fans is beneficial when they tend to leave copious amounts of tasty leftovers from the Grove). As Char pointed out, that's the beauty of the budget. During the easier months, you hopefully wind up with surpluses in one or two categories. Those surpluses can then be tucked away to get you through the more expensive times, or put on top of debt based monthly payments.

In the end...Char wins. She'll be sending along her handy-dandy Excel worksheet, and I'll be starting a new punishment...I mean, project...

I'll keep you posted.

a couple of websites peeerfect for wasting some time and having some laughs.

These two sites are my go-to for a quick minute of stress relief and buoyancy in the middle of a stressful day. After all, what's funnier than stuff that white people like or hipsters?

Stuff White People Like

Look At This F***ing Hipster

my new favorite spot on campus.

Today my friend Tayla asked if I wanted to try out the new Einstein Bros. Bagels in Anderson Hall. I'm a food and coffee junkie, so I readily agreed. I really didn't know what to expect, since I've never been to an Einstein Bros. before. I did know that I often find myself at work hungry at mid-morning and desperately needing something filling and savory. The Java City coffee shop in the Library is great, but as far as morning fare goes, you're pretty much limited to muffins, a few stray pastries, and the occasional dry plain bagel. When I've reached that stomach rumbling, not-going-to-get-through-this-meeting-without-a-fix, can't focus for lack of sustenance state....a smallish slightly stale danish just isn't going to cut it. So obviously I had a wealth of hopeful expectations as I headed down the sidewalk with Tayla.

I was definitely not disappointed. As a matter of fact, I'm now a little dismayed by how close this cute little shop is to my office...because upon entering I found a pleasant little spot tucked away in the Engineering building and STOCKED with every savory and sweet treat imagineable for a hungry girl in search of a hearty breakfast. Even super fresh looking large fruit cups and yogurt parfaits! Nice healthy option....but instead I went with an Asiago bagel with garden veggie cream cheese. And it was totally worth the calorie splurge. I also love the variety of coffee drinks, and especially the self serve coffee station. I will definitely be back in the near future to try a wrap or salad for lunch....

So if you're a regular on campus....you should most definitely head on over.

you must be joking me.

A while back my fella mentioned a movie he had paused on during some bored late night channel surfing. Idiocracy, featuring Luke Wilson and Maya Rudolph (on an unrelated note, who else REALLY wants to see Away We Go?). In the movie the characters are part of a government "hibernation" program in which they wind up sleeping for 500 years, only to awaken and find an America that has grown stunningly and ridiculously stupid.

The movie isn't great, but the point is uncomfortably...probable. Part of my job in the Office of Financial Aid involves reading written appeals submitted by students who have been placed on financial aid suspension, mostly due to some truly miserable grade point averages. I'm usually horrified by the writing skills I encounter from students who have acquired well above freshman standing. Students who graduated from high school. Students who passed freshman comp. Who is passing these students? And what's going to happen when they get into the real world? How will they cope?

Well, based on Pizza Hut's apparent new plan to re-brand...just fine. It's hoped that this new design will appeal to the "texting generation." Or, you know, the generation who can't bother with the time to write things out.

See for yourself and tell me what you think...

one hurtin' pup.

It's a little bit alarming how stealthily and sneakily your youth can get away from you. Not to say that I'm OLD. I'm not, especially by modern standards. But here, in this no man's land between college graduation and full blown adulthood, with PTA and retirement plans and kitchen renovations and such...that's where your youth seems to find the perfect environment to make a break for it. Why am I writing this today? Well, mainly because I woke up unable to trek much further than the distance from my bed to my couch due to back pain, and find myself home from work, trying to figure out whether said back pain is the result of playing tug with my dog or from being certain that I could tote my heavy load of groceries in one trip rather than two. And also, incidentally, trying to decide which of those causes would be more pathetic. I'm prone to blaming it on the dog.

Anyway. Perhaps you don't acutely notice the signs because mentally, you still FEEL young. I do. Yes, I want those adult things, and some of them I already have. But I still FEEL like Katie at Ole Miss, who goes to rock shows and eats out with friends and plans vacation trips and gets excited about something new and cute to wear to the Grove (though thankfully, that something no longer involves quite as much effort or sparkle as it did in undergrad). But lately, in a personal world where I've gotten a little more reality than I'd like, I've started to slowly grow aware of some things that are missing...things that used to be givens for me. I can no longer spring up from an Indian style position on the floor. Just one extra beer or glass of wine can suddenly lead to a massive hangover...and that one extra is tacked on to an overall tally that is CONSIDERABLY diminished from my undergrad or law school days. A day at work in shoes that aren't super comfy or supremely broken in leads to unavoidable pain by 5 p.m., and even a day out at Double Decker in flat sandals leaves me with sore ankles and calves. And a late night out for a concert or gathering on a week night? Yeah. If it means that I'll be showing up at work on less than six hours of sleep, it's probably not going to happen.

When I look at all of these little signs amassed together, it's shocking. The only conclusion I can reach is that I've let myself get old. I've LET these things slip away, or build up, or what have you. I've eased into an everyday life where I am so sedentary and such a procrastinator that these things are inevitable. I guess the good news is that a lot of this "youth" can be reclaimed. I know many people much older than I am who don't seem to have all these issues. They walk, they eat healthy, they play tennis, they do yoga. I may never be able to work with 100% productivity on less than six hours of sleep ever again, and that's OK. But I'm not going to accept the fact that I'm just too old to enjoy a long day walking around at a festival.

So the question becomes...where to start?

too many good things.

Oxford continues to draw in absolutely fantastic opportunities for entertainment. And I LOVE David Sedaris. Of course I do. So why am I not just blathering on about how GREAT it will be to see him live? Because there's another thing that I really, really, truly love. And that's Ole Miss Football. Which poses a problem, since October 10th in Oxford, Mississippi will not just revolve around an Evening with David Sedaris, but also around the Ole Miss-Alabama football game. Which is, as of yet, to be announced time-wise. In a perfect world, the game will be at one p.m., followed by dinner and a couple of (celebratory, I desperately hope) drinks in the Grove, and then a nice stroll down to the Ford Center for a a belly full of laughs. In reality...well, some people are going to have a tough decision to make. And something tells me (I'm so sorry, David) that if that's the case...I'll be hawking two David Sedaris tickets. Hey, we all have our priorities.

oxford cravings.

Oxford has no shortage of amazing restaurants. You can't throw a rock around here without hitting a restaurant that's been featured on the Food Network, in Southern Living, the New York Times, etc., etc. There are so many, in fact, that living here can begin to make one forget what it's like to experience a real craving...that need for something that you can't get and can't get out of your head.

In the spirit of enjoying life to its fullest, I've been thinking about particular dishes in Oxford that I just can't live without (and thankfully, don't have to). Here are some old and new dishes around town I adore and highly recommend that you try:

Ginger scone- Bottletree Bakery
Veggie Pizza- Newk's
Cheeseburger- Handy Andy
Muffaletta- City Grocery
Green Tea Ice Cream with Tempura Fried Bananas- Two Stick
Fish Tacos- El Milagro
Green Curry- Bangkok Thai
Uptown- Bottletree Bakery
Hot and Sour Soup- Two Stick
Ajax Salad- Ajax Diner
Big Bad Breakfast Plate- Big Bad Breakfast
Filet Special (regardless of what it is)- Yocona River Inn (come back soon, Yocona!)
Shrimp and Grits- City Grocery
Sausage and Cheese Plate- Taylor Grocery

What would you add to the list? Anything you'd dispute?

long time, no write. lots of life.

I've had a lot of ups in the past few months. Enough, I guess, that I've been negligent when it comes to boring people with my writing. I've also had a couple of major downs. Downs are bad, and I won't go into the details of mine. I will say that inevitably, those downs suddenly bring the ups sharply back into focus. I take so many things in my life for granted...a job I actually love, a beautiful and hilarious niece. A boy who dedicates himself to me, ME of all people, and makes me believe every now and then that I'm the most phenomenal girl in the world. A wonderful, shaggy, unruly dog who fills my hum-drum day-to-day with laughter and cuddling and amazement, and family that are always, always there and who GET me even when they don't. Friends who are intense, funny, oh so smart, passionate, a little nuts, and who keep me afloat and inspire me continuously. And a faith that can get awfully shaky sometimes but that never ever seems to let me abandon it, no matter how hard I try.

The other night a friend and I were talking about one of these recent major downs, and also about faith questions, and also about how the subject of one of the recent downs had this fierce and uncanny ability to squeeze every last drop of life from every detail he encountered. He also managed to find the time and energy to document most of it. I'm going to do my best to do the same.