staying positive.

It's so easy to be negative. So, so easy. That doesn't make much sense to me...it seems like it would be so much harder to be negative than to be positive, doesn't it? You always hear that cheesy saying about it requiring more muscles to frown than to smile. Yet somehow for me, especially for the last couple of years, the easy option has been stress, worry, fear, sadness, etc.

I guess this is what happens in your late 20s and early 30s...reality becomes harder to dodge. The grandfather/father figure/family patriarch dies suddenly and unexpectedly. The dream job turns out to be a nightmare. Getting ahead financially seems to be harder than advanced calculus. The relationship you thought would fix everything evolves into something you have to fix and then reveals itself as something that just isn't supposed to be and is holding you both back. Your dog/best friend develops serious health issues. It starts to feel like the one or two hard issues per year have tripled in size, and begin to continually regenerate in hardier, nastier forms as soon as you've solved them.

Those things are so heavy, and confusing, and dirty and complicated. In contrast, the good stuff, the tons and tons and tons of good stuff just seems so light and airy and easy and bright. And yet I spend so much time ignoring it, overlooking it, putting it off till later. Sometimes I get so bogged down in the dark mess that I can't even take the time to post a list of five simple good things.

I guess all of this serves as an overly wordy explanation for why I do such a bad job blogging.

So, moving on...good things...

I'm grateful for coffee and conversation with my mother this morning.

Ole Miss lost yesterday. They'll probably lose many more games this season. But here's the thing I love, love, LOVE about Ole Miss....yeah, we may not win every game and maybe we've never lost a party, but most importantly, we love life enough that a lost game isn't going to prevent us from fishing an icy Coke out of the cooler, pouring a glass of wine, fixing a tasty plate of food, clasping the shoulder of a family member or friend we love and commenting that it's going to be a long season before asking what's in this pasta salad and then telling an old funny story from college, childhood, the previous night.

That moment after getting in the bed where you find juuuust the perfect spot and position and experience a moment where your whole mind and body can process nothing but "aaaahhhhh...."

The side eye Charlie shoots me when I politely ask him to stop barking at the little dog outside, to stop pulling the stuffing out of one of his toys, to stop perusing the kitchen counter he's up on his hind legs investigating. It's genius...just the right mix of sarcasm and affection and annoyance.

Ice cream for lunch. I mean...why not.