the happy list.

Have you ever put so much effort into something good in your life that you unwittingly turn it into a NOT good thing? So much effort that you grow lazy when it comes to all other good things in your life? Without going into TOO much detail, this is how I'm feeling as of late...like I have somehow developed a crushing and stressful case of tunnel vision, spending months and months pouring all of my focus and energy and attention into one of the good things in my life, only to be shaken into reality and discover that the good thing has soured into something marked by pressure and obligation and stress and that all of the other good things just OUT of my narrow field of vision have grown dusty, rusty and forgotten.

I find it almost hard to remember the "other" good things...even though for the vast majority of my life they've been all I had...but a few obvious things stick out. My family and my friends. Extensive writing and reading. Extensive traveling. Music. New experiences in general.

Here's what my relatively recent life has been like for the most part: Get up, go to work. Come home. Put on lounge clothes. Fix something to eat. Settle onto the couch. Watch TV, surf internet. Have perfunctory phone conversation with some combination of family members/boyfriend. Go to bed. Repeat.

I can't do it anymore. To borrow a line from the Vampire Weekend song referenced in my last post, my soul has grown old and rusty, and before I just accept that this is who I am now, I have to do something (or several things) to remind myself of who I REALLY am.

And so I'm making a list of things that will provide me with happiness. Just the act of making a list gives me a bit of happiness, so it feels like a small start in and of itself. I don't necessarily intend to share EVERYTHING that is on the list or that goes on later, but here are a few initial entries:

1. Clean out my closets and filter out the things that I don't like, that don't fit, that are stretched out/stained/frayed/worn out, or that just frustrate me for reasons I can't even explain.

2. Take small weekend road trips much more frequently to see my dear friends in Memphis, Jackson, Tuscaloosa, Birmingham, New Orleans, and Nashville.

3. Get a serious haircut, just for a good shake-up.

4. Cliched, but make walking/running outside part of my routine as soon as the weather is remotely warm enough to do so (which should be happening very soon I hope!)

5. Start that budget I mentioned months ago in earnest...

6. ...mainly in order to start saving enough money for plane tickets to visit friends in LA, NYC, North Carolina, Dallas, Denver, etc.

7. Give up at least half of the TV shows I follow. In other words, turn off the damned TV and listen to music, clean, read a book, go out to eat, go or a drink, etc.

8. A little more detail on the previous entry I guess...but get out of the house at least one weeknight each week.

9. Give my Charlie dog a little more attention...more playtime, more car rides, more baths.

10. Do all of the girly grooming things I've mostly abandoned...manicures and pedicures, new perfumes, experiment with makeup, and so on.

I'm open to further suggestions or advice, gang.